Yes, thanks, I'll take a venti skinny cappuccino, extra foam, extra hot with sugar free caramel and those little peppermint sugar crystals. On the side.
For the full effect, you have to make sure you get this impatient look on your face. Raise your eyebrows. Look at your watch. Shake your head slightly. Grimace. Speak authoritatively. Condescendingly, almost. Commiserate with the suit standing behind you about how service used to be so much better in this town, and no you can't imagine what the hold up is either.
"Hold up" of course being a relative term. It has been about thirty seconds. But time is money. Not that you are making any. But that guy behind you sure is.
You, on the other hand, are fourteen. Getting your daily dose of caffeine at one of the, not one, not two, but SIX Starbucks that exist within a four block radius of your high school. (Maybe you could resist the first five, but by the sixth one you pass, there is no way you are not going in. It is 7AM after all and you have been up since 5:45. Willpower? Unlikely.)
You are also pretty sure that you are single-handedly keeping the Starbucks corporation in business (hence the self-important demeanor described earlier). And, not to brag or anything, but retrospectively this actually might have some basis in reality. Let's add it up shall we: At least one cup of coffee. Every weekday. For four years. Throw a scone or muffin or croissant in there at least once a week. And an after-school caramel macchiato. More often than not.
Combine that with the fact that after you went to college and essentially stopped drinking Starbucks altogether, they had to close 5% of stores nationwide. (Apparently the store owners wanted to have more time to "spend with their families". But you're not buying it.)
And now, as if you haven't been destructive enough. Haven't ruined enough lives. You are going to share this copycat recipe for Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bars with the blogworld. So that there will now be absolutely no reason for anyone to go to a Starbucks ever again. Except maybe for their apple fritters. Because damn those were good.
Yes, actually. That is exactly what you intend to do.
Cranberry Bliss Bars
Makes 32, adapted from Good Things Catered
1 cup butter
1 1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp orange extract
1 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp salt
1 2/3 cup flour
3/4 cup dried cranberries, diced
3/4 cup white chocolate chunks
8 oz cream cheese (I used light cream cheese)
1 1/2 cup confectioner's sugar
1 lemon, juiced
1/2 tsp vanilla
cranberries for topping
1. Preheat oven to 350. Grease a 9x13 inch pan. (Best bet would be to line it with parchment paper and call it a day.)
2. In a bowl, beat butter and brown sugar until fluffy. Add eggs, ginger, vanilla, and salt. Beat well.
3. Gradually mix in the flour until just combined. Fold in the cranberries and white chocolate.
4. Pour batter into prepared pan and spread evenly. Bake for approximately 30 minutes or until cake is barely brown on the edges.
5. Remove from the oven and let cool. In the meantime, make the frosting. Whip together the cream cheese, lemon juice, vanilla, and confectioner's sugar until smooth.
6. When the cake has cooled, invert onto cutting board. Spread frosting over the top. Sprinkle with cranberries. Using a long, serrated knife, cut into 32 squares. Serve immediately or refrigerate until needed.