Sesame Noodle Salad with Dried Pineapple - Here's To You, Dave!

I've been feeling kind of betrayed lately. And, to be frank, I blame the groundhog.

You can't just tell people that there are only going to be six more weeks of winter. And then pummel them with 20+ inches of snow. That's right. Over. Twenty. Inches. In Central Park, the snow amounted to more than a third of my height.

Now that. Is just unethical.

So then the real question becomes. Where's an IRB when you need one? And has anyone ever calculated the statistical significance of this Groundhog Day phenomenon? Because, not to burst anyone's bubble, but it really seems to me like the p-value for this whole operation is definitely less than 0.05. Meaning, obviously (at least to those of us who were just forced to take a course in epidemiology and biostatistics), that the association between winter's length and whether or not Punxsutawney sees his shadow. Is entirely up to chance. No correlation. No positive predictive value (or negative predictive value). Pure serendipity.

Although we'd have to calculate the beta error to be sure. Odds are. We just don't have enough statistical power.
So where does that leave us? Or me. To be precise.

Maybe it's just a severe vitamin D deficiency. But I've been craving sunlight. Big time.

Seeing as how I probably won't encounter the real thing for at least another month or so (six weeks my a**). I've had to resort to other, more desperate, tactics.

Pineapple. If anything tastes like sunlight. It is pineapple.

I have an interesting relationship with pineapple, however. Namely that I ate it every day for a year. And then proceeded to give myself an ulcer from it's intense acidity. So now, as soon as I have a piece. Instant. Intense. Pain. Which is truly unfortunate. Because how else am I supposed to get my tropical fix without pineapple?
Well. There are two solutions.

One. I could move to the tropics. Like DAVE of My Year On The Grill. That's right. Dave's wife Jackie had to go to the Virgin Islands for her job. And thus he was forced (not exactly the word I would use to describe it. Just admit it Dave, you were a willing and very compliant participant in all this.) to move to paradise.

Not all of us have this luxury, however. Which brings me to. Two. Dried pineapple. (For some reason it doesn't give me any stomach problems. No idea why.) In a sesame noodle salad. Just hand me a lei and a bowl of this and I'll be hula-ing in no time. And, of course, some coconut rum. Because no beach party would be complete without coconut rum.

Happy beachwarming Dave!

And thanks to Min for organizing all of this!
Sesame Noodle Salad with Dried Pineapple
Serves 4, adapted from The Tropical Vegan Kitchen

1 lb linguine
1/4 cup light soy sauce
1/4 cup rice vinegar
3 tbsp sesame seeds
1 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp sesame oil
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 red bell pepper, sliced thinly
3/4 cup grated carrots
6 scallions, green and white parts, sliced thinly
1/2 cup dried pineapple

1. Set up a pot of boiling, salted water and cook the pasta. Strain.

2. If you're like me and don't really like raw bell pepper, then heat a non-stick skillet with some cooking spray and cook the bell pepper until soft. Add in the scallions during the last minute of cooking.

3. Mix together the soy sauce, rice vinegar, cayenne, sesame seeds, sugar, and sesame oil in a bowl.

4. When the pasta is done, combine it with the sauce, bell pepper, scallions, carrots, and dried pineapple. Toss and serve, topped with cilantro to garnish.

This is my submission to Presto Pasta Nights, which is being hosted this week by Ruth of Once Upon A Feast.
Just a reminder. You have less than 12 hours to send me your Regional Recipes submissions! Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Southwestern Focaccia Pizza with Poblanos and Blue Cheese - HBinFive

Dear future Husband.

Hi.

I know you haven't met me yet. And so I don't want to give the wrong impression.

I'm not high maintenance. I swear. And I don't come with baggage. Okay. Not that much baggage. But I mean, everybody comes with baggage. Unless they're pod people. Are you a pod person? I hope not.
Anyway. I was hoping I could get you to sign this.

Think of it as a pre-pre-nuptual agreement. Kind of thing.

You see. I'm the kind of person who likes to put it all on the table. From day one. So here's the thing.

There are some chores. That I will never be good at. I'm not big on vacuuming. Or cleaning the bathroom. Or dusting. I've never seen the point in dusting. And I never will. Maybe we just won't own things that need to be dusted. Live a minimalist kind of life. I can be down with that. And as for the other two. I can definitely appreciate the value of vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom. But I just don't look at the scum on the tub and say to myself, "Oh my god I really should clean that." Usually it's more akin to, "Hmm. Scum. Wonder how that got there..."

In my defense. Having dirty dishes in the sink makes me anxious. (We are talking anaphylactic shock anxious). So you will never have to do the dishes. Ever.
Basically. I was hoping I could bribe make a deal with you.

I, Joanne, solemnly swear. To make homemade pizza for you. (Pizza is a good bargaining tool. From what I can tell. Boys really like it. At least the ones I know. And honestly. Girls do too. So it's really a win/win situation. Just try to pretend like it's a really onerous task. We wouldn't want them to think that they're getting the short end of the stick.) Every week. In sickness and in health. For better or for poorer. Until death do us part.

But only if you do the toilet scrubbing.

Love. Always.

Your Future Wife.
So this pizza idea was spurred by the Southwestern Focaccia with Roasted Corn and Goat Cheese from HBinFive. It's made with the 100% Whole Wheat Dough with Olive Oil, which you can find the recipe for here. I really liked this dough by the way. I know many HBinFive-ers had some issues with it. But I am a sucker for the flavor of olive oil. And I thought that really shone through in this bread. I just wish that the crust of my loaves had gotten. Well. Crustier.

Zoe and Jeff call this a recipe for focaccia. But I say. It has tomato sauce. And cheese on it. And it's round. Therefore. It is a pizza.

Here's what I did. I made half of the dough recipe. Weighed out a pound of it. Spread it out in a circle 1/2-inch thick on a pizza pan. Let it rise for 20 minutes. Preheated the oven to 425. Sauted some onions, a can of tomatoes, and a poblano pepper. Threw in some cumin and chili powder. Spread it over the pizza. Topped it with blue cheese. Cooked. 20/25 minutes. Done. It apparently serves 6 as an appetizer. Or. In my case. Two for dinner. I probably could have made it three. But I had just gotten back from the gym when I was making it. And self control is not exactly my strong point.

This has been yeastspotted. And check out Michelle's blog on the 1st to see what everyone else cooked up with their dough!
I want to thank all of you for the birthday wishes yesterday. They meant the world to me. And a special thank you to Mia for organizing the best blogger birthday party a girl could have. Seeing the comments reel in absolutely made my day. You guys are my inspiration, what keeps me writing and blogging and I love you all. So thank you.

What did I do on the big day? My amazing roommate, Sophie, organized a dinner at a French restaurant called Les Sans Culottes for me and fifteen of my friends (seriously. The biggest birthday party I have ever had). Basically they have a prix fixe menu. The appetizer is a huge spread of veggies, sausages, rolls and pate. Huge. Really huge. Then. When you think you can't eat any more. They ask you to order your entree. I got the onglet bearnaise. A.K.A. hangar steak with bearnaise sauce. It was fantastic. I think I'm in love with bearnaise sauce. Which is probably not a good thing. Because now I might have to make some. Hello five pound weight gain. Nice to meet you. Then for dessert, my friends arrangeed for these ice cream filled crepes to be delivered to me. I devoured them. They were amazing. I love ice cream.

Then, since it was a Thursday. We ended the night at my home away from home. Pete's. For karaoke night. I came. I rapped. I conquered. It was quite the spectacle. And the best part was? My brother stopped by.

In short. Great day.

Pork Chop Milanese with Arugula Salad

The miracle of life.

I'm sure you've seen the video (Yes people. We are talking VHS here. Old school, I know. But think back, back, way back.) Made in the eighties. Shown to every high school kid in an attempt to scare them into not getting pregnant before the age of 18. Or ever. As the case may be. (And the US government wonders why our birth rates are so much lower than those in third world countries. They don't have VHS players. Coincidence? I think not.)

I've never seen it. Actually. Which is probably why I remained so optimistic about this whole giving birth. Thing. "Yup mom, no problemo. I will just pop out those kids during the PhD part of this whole process (husband or NOT - she didn't like that very much) and fed-ex them to you. No, you don't need to come pick them up. I know it's only a ten minute drive, but you'll have to pay tolls, deal with traffic, it'll be an ordeal. We'll just overnight 'em."
That was the plan. Was. Being the operative word here.

Until I was required to watch a real. Live. Birth.

Which here at New York Presbyterian is actually more likely than not to be a real. Live. C section. (Who can be bothered with natural birth anymore? It's so...inconvenient. You just never know when it's going to happen. You might have to wait the full 42 weeks. Or worse. More.)

I was fine with the C section itself, actually. I've seen enough fascia and visceral pleura in my life (or in the past six weeks) to just kind of shrug my shoulders at the whole thing.

What really got me. Was the epidural. I don't know if you've ever had an epidural. But it's not just a simple needle in/needle out/instant pain relief kind of thing.

It's. A. Process.

Especially when it's being done by a resident who has no idea what he's doing and has to repeatedly stick the damn thing in this poor woman's back to try to locate her intervertebral disc. I guess the fifty first time is a charm. Who knew.

All I know is that I almost strangled him. (I was on the verge of passing out. And desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm pretty sure I could have done a better job anyway. I'm good with my hands.) So imagine how the patient and her husband must have felt.
The end result being. That I'm less than enthused about the prospect of ever being pregnant. Because there is no way that I am ever letting anyone come near my cerebrospinal fluid with that needle. At least not at a teaching hospital. Or unless I have the anesthesiologist sign a contract saying that if he doesn't get it right on the first try. I'm allowed to cut off his outer limbs. Seems like a fair deal.

That being said. Dear mom. Thank you for enduring 20+ hours of labor to have me. In return. Here is a recipe that I think dad and Daniel might actually eat. And that, honestly, I actually thought was some kind of wonderful as well.
Pork Chop Milanese with Arugula Salad
Serves 4, adapted from Live To Cook

4 bone-in pork chops
2 cups flour
4 large eggs
2 cups panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup grated parmesan
kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/4 cup olive oil
2 tbsp butter
1 clove garlic, minced
juice of 1 lemon
1/4 cup olive oil
1 red onion, thinly sliced
3 cups arugula
1 cup grape tomatoes, halved
12 fresh basil leaves
capers to garnish

1. Put the chops on a cutting board and cover them with a large piece of plastic wrap. Pound them with a meat mallet until the meat is 1/4 inch thick.

2. Set up a breading station. In three separate bowls put the flour, eggs, and bread crumbs. Lightly whisk the eggs. Stir the Parmesan into the bread crumbs.

3. Season the chops liberally with salt and pepper. Dredge them in flour and shake off the excess, then dip them in egg, and then in bread crumbs to coat.

4. Heat a large saute pan over medium heat and add the olive oil and butter. When the fat is hot add the chops and cook until golden brown, about 5 minutes a side. Drain until ready to serve.

5. In a large mixing bowl, combine the garlic, lemon juice, and 1 tsp salt. Whisk in the EVOO. Add the onion, toss to coat evenly, and let marinate for ten minutes.

6. Add the arugula, tomatoes and basil to the dressing and gently toss together.

NOTES - The original recipe called for veal chops. However. I am poor. And definitely don't have the money to pay $22.00 a pound for anything. Unless it is lined with gold. Or really good chocolate. I also added capers. Because everything tastes better with capers.

This is my submission to this week's Symon Sundays! Check out Ashlee's blog on Monday to see how everyone else's dish turned out!

Also. Lest I forget. Regional Recipes. Due by February 28th at midnight. Middle Eastern food. See here for details.

Chocolate Coconut Banana Bread Pudding and STIR IT 28

So someone knocks on your door. And says to you. "I am going to give you about fifty bananas, ten cartons of eggs, twenty baguettes. Get in the kitchen. B****."

What do you do?

Seeing as how I live in New York. I would probably run away screaming and have the grocery items sent to the federal government to be checked for some kind of bioterror agent. Anthrax. SARS. Avian flu. The gamut. Because there is no such thing as free lunch. You can not get something for nothing. Unless, perhaps, if you live in Iowa. Remember that.
Now for the real story.

What. If.

You decide to cook for this fundraiser to raise money for Haiti earthquake victims. You also decide to break every rule in the Cooking For Others handbook. (Handbook? What handbook? It's a crazy world in which we live. And I refuse to be held down.) But we will get to that.

It's the night before. Your menu is planned, everything is prepared so that all you have to do tomorrow is yank your stuffed mushrooms from the fridge and head on over to the East Village. Twenty minutes in the oven. Plate. Garnish. No. Sweat.

Then you get an email. Innocently sent. By the event's organizer, Christy. Saying. So, apparently Trader Joe's has donated bananas, bread, and eggs to the event. Anyone care to whip up a bread pudding?


Hi. My name is Joanne. And I am a pudding addict. Rice pudding. Chocolate pudding. Bread pudding. If it starts with a "P" and ends with an "Udding". I love it.

So when Christy sent out that email. There was absolutely no way that I wasn't going to respond immediately saying, Um hell yeah.

Here comes the crux of the matter.

Have I ever made bread pudding before?

Absolutely not. (I haven't made stuffed mushrooms before either. Here's where that handbook would have been slightly useful.)

But there's a first time for everything. Might as well be when you are cooking for 30+ people who are paying to eat your food. Right?
As you might have guessed, my melodrama notwithstanding, this story has a happy ending. The stuffed mushrooms? Excellent. I made a vegetarian version, which were essentially the panko stuffed mushrooms from Veganomicon. With a secret ingredient added in. (Sriracha and a bit of hot sauce. Because obviously either alone just wasn't spicy enough.) As well as a non-vegetarian version. These plum-glazed sausage stuffed mushrooms from Bon Appetit. With the secret ingredient here being spicy Italian sausage. They disappeared pretty quickly. I prepared both of them the night before, let them sit in the fridge overnight and then just popped them in a 400 degree oven for 20 minutes. Really easy. And perfect make-ahead dish if you're entertaining guests.

And the bread pudding? There's really very little I can say about that. Mostly because. It rendered me speechless. It was good. Like. Really good. Not to toot my own horn or anything. But two of my best friends came to the event. And I believe their comment was. Out of the park. Mind-blowing. Good. After plating the servings for the event guests, us cooks may or may not have stood around the leftovers in the pan, picking out the pieces. With our bare hands. That's how good.

And honestly, I couldn't have been more proud. Because you know. It's one thing to sit at home and cook my own food and tell you guys that it's delicious. I might have really weird taste buds. You never know. But it's quite another to actually cook for other people. To have people pay for your food no less. And then have them like it.

In short. One of the best experiences. Ever. (And also one of those times when I asked myself, Why didn't I go to culinary school again? I ask myself that daily, actually. And then Sophie has to remind me that I actually do want to cure cancer.) I couldn't have been more proud. What more could a girl ask for in a birthday present? Not much.

I might not even need that ice cream maker. (Although, mom and dad...if you're reading this. I wouldn't say no to it either. Because nothing goes better with bread pudding than ice cream. Think about it.)
So thanks to Christy for organizing this and letting me take part. It was amazing. And thanks to all of the other bloggers who came and cooked. It was awesome meeting you guys! And eating your earth-shatteringly good food. (What is it about meeting fellow foodies that is so satisfying? Not sure. But I always feel so content with life afterward. Like I've forged some real connections with people.) Please check out Christy's post to see who all was there and to check out what everyone else cooked!

Also thanks to everyone who came to event. The money we raised is going to such an amazing cause (which did actually make the experience all the better). And if you couldn't make it but still want to contribute? Donations will be accepted until February 28th at http://www.Flanboyateats.com.
Chocolate Coconut Banana Bread Pudding
Serves many. Adapted from. The dark recesses of my mind.

1 large baguette, torn into chunks
1 stick butter, melted
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 can coconut milk
Enough almond milk to reach 4 cups of liquid total
4 bananas, sliced
4 eggs
1 tsp-ish vanilla
1/2 tsp-ish cinnamon
chocolate chips (No measurement needed. Grab. And. Go.)

1. Preheat the oven to 400. Unless your bread is stale already. In which case, preheat your oven to 350. If your bread is NOT stale, then put the torn pieces on a baking sheet and cook them until they start to get hard, probably 10-15 minutes.

2. Lower the oven to 350. Place 3/4 of the bread chunks in a deep 9x13 pan. Layer the bananas on top. Sprinkle with chocolate chips. Add the rest of the bread.

3. In a bowl, mix together the melted butter and milks. Beat in the sugar. Beat in each of the eggs, one at a time. Add in the vanilla and cinnamon and mix until well incorporated. Pour over the bread in the pan. Cover with saran wrap and let sit, in the fridge, for at least an hour. However, the longer the better. Ideally, this would have sat in the fridge overnight.

4. Bake at 350 until the eggs have set. This took about an hour and a half for me but I don't think our oven was working 100% so it might be shorter. Check after 50 minutes and then again every ten minutes until it's done.

This recipe has been yeastspotted!

Soft Polenta with Mascarpone

Sometimes. When a girl's got a point. She's got a point.

I was a Sex and the City fan all through high school. And while I have no desire to view the world through Carrie Bradshaw-colored glasses (or to be almost 40. And single. With probably around a hundred men on my "people I have slept with" list. Unless of course, one of those men were Mr. Big. And it was guaranteed that we would end up together in a Blockbuster movie that grossed over 400 million dollars. I 'd be okay with that.), I have to concede that there are definitely a few key take-home lessons thrown in there. Ones that have actual substance. Not just how to fold your body into every position in the Kamasutra (although that one is kind of important) a la Samantha. We're talking real life altering stuff here.
Like, for example, that when a girl gets married. She should get a week. Not a day. A week.

Except that by "married". I think they really meant "birthday".

And by "girl" they were specifically talking about me.
And is this my absolutely shameless way of mentioning that my birthday is next Thursday (Feb 25th)? Damn straight it is.

So I am taking a week.

And to kick off this week? We start with what is possibly my most favorite side dish of all time.

Polenta.

Don't you just love how that word rolls off your tongue? Like music. To your taste buds.

That's the beauty of the Italian language. It can even make the phrase "corn grits" sound romantic.

And this particular polenta recipe, from the new Michael Symon cookbook, which has mascarpone mixed into it? Is a dream. An absolute dream. I do warn you though. That mascarpone is like crack. (Not that I would know what crack tastes like. But I've heard stories. From knowledgeable individuals. None of whom are me. I swear.) It is smooth and creamy and definitely one of the best tasting things on this earth. If you like cheese. And if you dont' like cheese?

You should really get that checked out.

I ate this with a fried egg and some oven-roasted asparagus (400 degrees, salt, 10-15 minutes). Although I'm betting you can top it with just about anything and it will taste delicious.
Soft Polenta with Mascarpone
Serves 4 (okay 6 for those of us who aren't gluttons), adapted from Live To Cook

2 tbsp butter (Symon calls for 6 tbsp. I decided I didn't want to go into cardiac arrest before turning 23. You can do whatever floats your boat, no judgment.)
1/2 onion (although who has any use for half an onion? I used a whole one)
1 clove garlic
4 cups broth (I used six - it was too thick but I think this is very corn grit-dependent)
2 cups polenta/corn grits
1/4 cup mascarpone
1/4 cup parmesan

In a 4-qt saucepan, melt 2 T of the butter over medium heat. Add the onion and garlic and sweat them until translucent and aromatic, 5 minutes. Add the stock and bring to a simmer. Slowly add the polenta while whisking and reduce the heat to low. Cook over low heat for 2 hours, stirring frequently. Remove from the heat and whisk in the mascarpone, parmesan, and remaining 4 tbsp butter. Season to taste.

This is one of the two recipes for this week's Symon Sundays! Be sure to check out Ashlee's blog on the first to see how everyone else's turned out!

This is also my submission to the lovely Reeni's new blog event - Side Dish Showdown!

Snickerdoodles!

Did you know that in addition to being a noun, the word snickerdoodle is also a verb?

(According to Urban Dictionary.com. My source of choice for all of my lexicon needs.)
Cue background giggling.

NO that is NOT what it means. Seriously people. Minds. Out. Of. The. Gutter.

To snickerdoodle is to slowly rotate your hips forward while standing upright (think pelvic thrust, but not sexual). It's a relaxing rocking motion that is triggered (according to scientists) by consumption of a tasty food (i.e. a snickerdoodle - this is etiology in the making). Apparently most tasty foods are "bad" for you (what is "bad"? Seems deep. Too deep for 6:40 AM cookie talk) and this rocking motion somehow aids in digestion. Since we havent gotten to the GI system yet in physiology I can neither confirm nor deny the veracity of that statement. If you have any questions about how this affects your mean arterial pressure or cardiac output. I might be able to give you some insight.
Much more pertinently, though.

Snickerdoodle. Is also the name of one of America's oldest superheroes. Also called "the powerful pee-wee" (a force to be reckoned with, I'm sure), he arose on the folklore scene in the early 1900s.

His secret weapon? Was it his ability to see in the dark? Leap tall buildings in a single bound? Move at the speed of light?

No. (Although if anyone would like to endow me with any of these abilities. I wouldn't say no.)

It was his sense of humor.

This, apparently, got him safely through World War I, World War II, and the space age. Talk about the power of laughter.
To be honest, though. I just didn't see it.

Until I found out about the Peanutmobile. Um yes. That is correct. He drives around in a peanut car (that can also, with the push of a magic button, be transformed into a peanut plane, helicopter or submarine). And anyone who can harness the power of the world's (my) favorite legume is A-OK in my book.

I mean. Batman and Superman are great. But Snickerdoodle? He is a superhero you can put stock in.


But how does all this relate to Snickerdoodle the cookie? Well, much like Snickerdoodle the superhero, this cookie seems like it's going to be completely boring and not worth your time. A sugar cookie. Covered in cinnamon. And more sugar. What could be more ordinary?

But one should never. Underestimate. The power of cinnamon. And sugar.

This cookie is buttery. Heavenly. And practically melts in your mouth. A definite case of the whole being far greater than the sum of its parts.

All it needs is a peanut car. And I'm pretty sure it would be right up there with Snickerdoodle-the-superhero and those fighter pilots. Saving the world. One bite at a time.
Snickerdoodles
Makes about 4 dozen (possibly more if I hadn't eaten a fair amount of dough along the way - quality control, people. Quality control.), adapted from Smitten Kitchen

2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
16 tablespoons (2 stick or 8 ounces) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 3/4 cups sugar, plus more if needed
2 tablespoons ground cinnamon, plus more if needed
2 large eggs

1. Preheat the oven to 400°, with one rack in top third and one rack in bottom third of oven. Line baking sheets with silicone baking mats or parchment paper; set aside.

2. Sift together flour, cream of tartar, baking soda, and salt; set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, combine butter and 1 1/2 cups sugar. Beat on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Scrape down sides of bowl. Add eggs, and beat to combine. Add dry ingredients, and beat to combine. Chill the dough for an hour before scooping it.

3. Once dough has chilled, in a small bowl, combine remaining 1/4 cup sugar and the ground cinnamon. Use a small ice-cream scoop (NOTE - I don't own an ice cream scoop. Who needs such a thing when you have a spoon? So I just used rounded tbsps.) to form balls of the dough, and roll in cinnamon sugar. Place about two inches apart on the prepared baking sheets. Bake until the cookies are set in center and begin to crack (they will not brown), about 10 minutes, rotating the baking sheets after five minutes. Transfer the sheets to a wire rack to cool about five minutes before transferring the cookies to the rack.

I am submitting these to Weekend Herb Blogging (umm....cinnamon?) which is being hosted this week by Cinzia of Cindystar.
Also! An announcement. I am taking part in an event called Stir It 28 this Sunday. Basically, I will be cooking along with some fellow New York food bloggers, as well as those from Chicago, LA, and Atlanta as part of a nationwide effort to raise money for Haiti relief. There will be some excellent food, some excellent door prizes, and it will be an excellent way to donate to those in need, while spending time with excellent people of course! See Chou's site for more info on how you can get involved, either by helping, cooking, or just showing up and eating!

Orzotto with Leeks and Sun-Dried Tomatoes

I got a text message from my brother yesterday.

Okay. It wasn't a text message. He "BBM'ed me". Whatever that means. All I know is that this little blue circle showed up on my Blackberry screen instead of the little envelope. And apparently there's some kind of difference between the two that I can't quite figure out. Then again, I've had the phone for six months now. And still haven't figured out how to set up my voicemail. So this shouldn't surprise anyone.
I'm dying.

He definitely has a flair for the dramatic, that one. I can't imagine where he gets it from.

Alright Daniel. What happened.

Your father food poisoned me.

I blame myself for this. My father called me early on Valentine's Day morning. Asking me why his crockpot pulled pork always gets burnt around the edges (where it touches the sides of the crockpot). Are you using the recipe from my blog Dad? No? Well then I can't help you.

I knew he was cooking. I could have prevented this. Staged an intervention of some kind. Or gotten some kind of restraining order that would prohibit him from going within 100 feet of the kitchen.

Next time.
But then my brother said something that made me really upset. The orzo was just so rich. He said it was your recipe.

Really Daniel? Because the recipe that he's referring to has approximately three ingredients. Orzo. Chicken broth. And salt. (Isn't that the beautify of risotto though - orzotto, in this case. It tastes as if it has been saturated with heavy cream. When really, it's just starch. What more could you ask for in a pasta dish?)
I know my father, however. And so even though the recipe doesn't contain any cream. It doesn't mean he didn't add any cream.

This warranted a phone call. (Against my better judgment. But it had to be done. My reputation was at stake.)

What did you do?

What do you mean?

You know what I mean. The orzo. What did you put in it.

I used your recipe.

Okay, so you actually went to my blog. Looked up the orzotto recipe. And followed it. Step. By. Step.

Well. I used the recipe from the box. But they're the same.

That's obviously not true. Because yours made Daniel sick and mine didn't.

Silence.

This is why we are not going to use recipes from the sides of boxes anymore. Do you understand?

He sighs. Yes, Joanne.

And for the record. 8 cups of broth does not actually mean 8 cups of butter.

Capisce?
After all that. I was frazzled. To say the least. And felt like I needed to redeem myself. Along with the orzotto. Because really, it didn't deserve any of this.

So I turned to my trusty Williams-Sonoma Risotto cookbook. Honed in on the recipe for Orzotto with Leeks and Sun-Dried Tomatoes. Made it. Loved it. And here we are.

Orzo. Chicken broth. Leeks. Sun-dried tomatoes. Bell Pepper. Stick to those. And you can't go wrong.
Orzotto with Leeks and Sun-dried Tomatoes
Serves 4, adapted from Williams-Sonoma Risotto

8 cups broth
2 tbsp olive oil
3 leeks, white parts only
1 yellow bell pepper, seeded and diced
1 lb orzo
1 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup sun-dried tomatoes, julienned
2 tbsp butter

Bring the broth to a simmer. Heat the oil.

Saute the leeks and the pepper until softened (season with salt!), about 4 minutes. Transfer to a bowl.

Add the orzo to the pan and saute for 1-2 minutes, stirring constantly. Add the wine. Cook on medium heat until the wine is almost evaporated, stirring constantly. Add in the simmering stock a ladleful at a time, each time waiting until it is almost all evaporated to add the next ladle.

Stir. Constantly.

When the orzo is tender, stir in the leek/pepper mixture and the sun-dried tomatoes. Cook to heat through. Remove from the heat and stir in the butter. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

I am submitting this to Presto Pasta Nights which is being hosted this week by Mrs Ergul of Mrs Ergul Passion For Life.

Regional Recipes - Chicken With Caramelized Baby Onions and Honey (Djaj Bil Assal)

There's this highly technical term that we use all the time in medicine.

"Negotiation."

"Negotiation" is what us doctors do when we are trying to promote patient adherence. Or, in layman's terms, how we get patients to actually follow the treatment plan that we set out for them.

As it turns out, most people don't like to take antibiotics for the entire week that they are prescribed for. (Five days of pill popping! How egregious! But you know what's even more egregious? Penicillin-resistant Streptococcus pneumoniae. Just do the full course of medication. Trust me.)

People also don't seem to want to implement any kind of lifestyle changes. I mean it's kind of the same deal as New Year's Resolutions. You are totally gung-ho about them the first week. You go to the gym every day. Eat your 5-A-Day. Take the long way home from work just so you won't pass by those tantalizing golden arches. (They're so...yellow. Who could resist?) But then you think, hey, I've been really good this week. I deserve a reward. And really, how much damage will one Super Sized Extra Value Meal do...(1500+ calories worth of damage. That's how much.) But the thing about this kind of stuff is that it's a domino effect. With the endpoints being coronary artery disease and insulin resistance. Neither of which are fun. Again. Trust me.
So to get people to adhere to the treatment plans that we prescribe for them. We negotiate. Bargain. Bribe.

For example:

I will only give you this prescription for Viagra if you keep taking your Lipitor. (Sex is a pretty powerful negotiating tool. Use with caution.)

What does this have to do with the food? You may be wondering.

Well. Let's imagine a world. A world in which I am hosting this little blog event called Regional Recipes. And I know you want to participate. I really do. And I'm sure every time I mention it you sit around for an hour dreaming of all the Middle Eastern recipes that you are going to submit. But then a few days pass. And you get busy. Things come up. You forget. And this will happen every week (because I am going to bring it up every week. Have. No. Fear.). Until it is February 28th. At which point you will have missed the deadline. Which will be sad. For everyone involved, but especially for you because Middle Eastern food? Is fantastic.

Here's where the whole "negotiation" thing comes in.

Let's make a deal.

It's Valentine's Day, right? Some of you may still be searching for that perfect dish to serve to that special someone.

Well, I will give you a recipe. That will knock your socks off. A recipe that seems complicated and complex and decadent. But is really pretty simple. And delicious.

But only if you promise me a submission? Sound good? And also. Please take your ACE inhibitors or beta blockers or HMG CoA reductase inhibitors or whatever other meds you're on. Your body can thank me for it later.
For details about how to enter Regional Recipes look here.

Chicken with Caramelized Baby Onions and Honey
Serves 4, adapted from Claudia Roden's Arabesque (an AMAZING cookbook)

1 lb pearl onions
1 onion
2 tbsp olive oil
a pinch of saffron
1 tsp ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 lb chicken (I used breasts this time but would go with thighs next time)
salt and pepper to taste
1 1/2 tbsp honey
1 bell pepper

Peel the shallots.

Saute the chopped onion until softened in the oil over a medium heat in a pan or casserole large enough to hold the chicken in one layer. Stir in the saffron, ginger and cinnamon, then put in the chicken pieces. Season with salt and pepper and turn to brown them lightly all over.

Add about 1 cup water and cook, covered, over a low heat, turning the pieces over, for 15 minutes, or until the chicken breasts are done. Lift out the breasts and put them to one side. Add the shallots or baby onions and continue to cook, covered, for about 25 minutes, or until the remaining chicken pieces are very tender. During the cooking, stir the onions occasionally.

Lift out the chicken pieces and set to one side. Stir the honey into the pan. Chec the seasoning. You need quite a bit of pepper to mitigate the sweetness. Coo, uncovered, until all the water has evaporated and the onions are brown, caramelized.

Return the chicken to the pan. Spoon the onions on top of them and heat through. Serve.

Read more: http://caloriecount.about.com/chicken-caramelized-baby-onions-honey-recipe-r135238#ixzz0fWIwH3RB

Peel the pearl onions. Chop the onion and the bell pepper.

Saute the chopped onion and pepper until softened in the oil over a medium heat in a pan or casserole large enough to hold the chicken in one layer. Stir in the saffron, ginger and cinnamon, then put in the chicken pieces. Season with salt and pepper and turn to brown them lightly all over.

Add about 1 cup water and cook, covered, over a low heat, turning the pieces over, for 15 minutes, or until the chicken breasts are done. Lift out the breasts and put them to one side. Add the shallots or baby onions.

Stir the honey into the pan. Check the seasoning. You need quite a bit of pepper to mitigate the sweetness. Cook, uncovered, until all the water has evaporated and the onions are brown, caramelized.

Return the chicken to the pan. Spoon the onions on top of them and heat through. Serve.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Peel the shallots.

Saute the chopped onion until softened in the oil over a medium heat in a pan or casserole large enough to hold the chicken in one layer. Stir in the saffron, ginger and cinnamon, then put in the chicken pieces. Season with salt and pepper and turn to brown them lightly all over.

Add about 1 cup water and cook, covered, over a low heat, turning the pieces over, for 15 minutes, or until the chicken breasts are done. Lift out the breasts and put them to one side. Add the shallots or baby onions and continue to cook, covered, for about 25 minutes, or until the remaining chicken pieces are very tender. During the cooking, stir the onions occasionally.

Lift out the chicken pieces and set to one side. Stir the honey into the pan. Chec the seasoning. You need quite a bit of pepper to mitigate the sweetness. Coo, uncovered, until all the water has evaporated and the onions are brown, caramelized.

Return the chicken to the pan. Spoon the onions on top of them and heat through. Serve.

Read more: http://caloriecount.about.com/chicken-caramelized-baby-onions-honey-recipe-r135238#ixzz0fWIwH3RB

HBinFive - Cranberry Tangerine Chocolate Espresso Whole Wheat Bread with Honey Cinnamon Cream Cheese

"When I was your age," I will say. As I rock back and forth in my chair. (You know, that chair that all grandparents seem to have that is their chair.) "We had it rough. We didn't have mini airplanes or time travel machines or winter jackets with built in space heaters or any of the other new-fangled gadgets that you kids have today."

"You young'ns. You can't even imagine. I had to walk to school. In the blizzard of 2010. Nope. No snow days when you're training to be a doctor. No siree, Bob. Like the postal service. Rain. Or. Shine."

Speaking of which. I know the postal service says rain or shine. But my mail has been awfully slow lately. And I can't help but think that someone out there is making the executive decision to delay delivery due to inclement weather. Without consulting me. Not to point any fingers or anything. But I ordered three jars of peanut butter from Naturally Nutty. Over a week ago. Yes, that's right. I've been without peanut butter for over. A. Week. (I would buy more. But then I'd have four jars of peanut butter once the other ones got here. And that seems to me like slight overkill. As well as a vaguely dangerous situation.)

And things are just reaching the point. Where they might. Get. Ugly.

So whoever you are. Wherever you are. I would deliver my mail. Immediately.

Or I will find you. And trust me. You don't want that to happen.

I know how to use a scalpel now. Think about it.
Back to the presumptive grandkids. I will fail to mention, of course, that my walk to school was about 500 feet. (Isn't selective memory a great thing?) Or that Cornell hires people to clean off the sidewalks on the medical campus every five minutes. So my only real contact with the snow was that I could see it from my window. Hey, I live on the 12th floor. Those flakes looked pretty big. At least at this height.

And then. After this didactic encounter. To further drive home my point about how you should never really forget your past. I will say, "You kids look hungry. I think we should go eat some of that chocolate bread now."

Because nothing seems so homey and rustic as homemade bread. Or. Quite as timeless.
(However. I would gladly donate money to whoever wants to invent that space-heater-in-a-winter-coat. Like I said. Rustic is nice. But being cold is highly overrated. And I'm kind of over it.)
You can find the recipe for the chocolate espresso bread here. Us HBinFive-ers were supposed to make the chocolate tangerine bars. But I wanted chocolate espresso sandwiches. So I made a loaf and added in some tangerine zest and cranberries to the dough. It was splendid. And this is coming from a non-chocolate lover (I'm a vanilla person, what can I say). So you know it was good. Check out Michelle's blog on the 15th to see how everyone else's loaves turned out!

Honey Cinnamon Cream Cheese
Serves 8-ish

8 oz light cream cheese
2 tbsp honey
1/4 tsp cinnamon

Mix all of the ingredients together. Try not to go at the mixture with a spoon. As if it were ice cream. And eat it all in one sitting. It will be hard. But you will regret it if you do.

Not that I speak from experience or anything.

I am also submitting this to the Monthly Mingle, which is being hosted this month at Life's A Feast. It has also been yeastspotted!